The image of my grandma crying and hugging my mom will always stick with me…
I remember the day mom came back home early from work like it was yesterday. I was playing with my dolls when I heard the front door open. Dad and some other family members were with her. My heart lifted at the thought of having everyone over, until I saw the tears in mommy’s eyes and the solemn look on dad’s face. I knew something was wrong.
It was like a heavy cloud had settled over our house, and nobody wanted to speak. Mom silently made her way to the kitchen. I watched as she poured herself a glass of water with shaky hands, before sitting down at the table with the others.
The tension in the room was palpable, and nobody spoke; They were just there. Every now and then, someone would let out a small sob before composing themselves again. It was as if they were trying to hold back the wave of emotions that threatened to consume them.
I looked around the room, confused and scared. I wanted to know what was happening, but nobody was telling me…
I sat there, feeling helpless and alone.
As time went by, mom started being at home less and less. When she returned, she was often too weak to play with me and mostly stayed in bed. Dad would always take care of her, but he was so worried that he didn’t have much time for me either.
Daddy told me that it was only a matter of days before everything got back to normal. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. Nothing got back to normal.
Mommy started to look different. She always tried to act normally with me, but I could tell. Mom got sicker and weaker. She became thinner and her skin was so pale that it looked like she had hardly any blood left. I watched her as her condition degraded. I was heart-broken; I was frightened.
Where is mommy’s hair?
As my mom’s illness progressed, everything became so scary. I tried to be strong for her, tried to offer my support to dad, but I didn’t know how. I felt like I was spiraling out of control. I didn’t know how to process my emotions. It was like a dark cloud was over me all the time.
I used to reminisce about a time when everything was still normal. Daddy giving me piggyback rides and mom singing me to sleep. These were cherishable moments. I found myself holding onto these memories, hoping that one day this would be our normal again.
Life moved on, and I could tell things were not getting better.
One morning, I woke up to find my mom gone. Daddy took me aside and told me mommy lost her fight against a monster that had taken her away. That day a piece of me died with her.
Grandma told me that mommy is not suffering anymore and not to think about the bad times but to always remember the good time we spent together. To always keep the image of my mom when she was healthy in my mind.
She’s part of me and I will always carry her love with me.
This year, my heart aches knowing that it’s the second Mother’s Day without my precious mommy. Words cannot express the agony I feel, longing for her every single moment. I yearn for her loving kisses, her magical touch, her comforting hugs, and her mouth-watering food; oh, how I miss her stories that she would tell me every night.
While we celebrates this Sunday with their beloved mothers, my father’s taking me to the place where grandma says mom is resting – sleeping peacefully.